Note: All characters and venues are totally fictional; any semblance to real persons or places is merely coincidental.
Synopsis: Aamir Khan, Boris, Reddy and Alice Patten come in with a dozen extras from Mangal Panday.
Munni's LIA - Episode 28
In the middle of a cobbled plaza, three condemned men were standing with their backs against a wall. All of them had their hands tied behind their backs. Two of them wore sports uniforms, both had the unlucky number 13, one was the orange basketball uniform of "Mambalam Ace" and the other one had the blue and white football uniform of "Novosibirsk Hawks". The one in the middle wore a T-shirt and jeans. The T-shirt said "Imperial College of Engineering".
Boris turned and said to Aamir Khan,"Hi, I am Boris...I don't know why I am here...are you guys Afghans ?......"
Aamir answered,"Never mind…..don't you know who I am ?....and how come...you two already have uniforms…..where is mine ?"
Reddy added,"…we are idiots, all three of us, we all in for big trouble…look…. there comes a firing squad.."
Boris asked,"…who the devil is that woman with a big sabre ?...is that a Chechen ? <Note: Chechens behead the condemned>....oh my god..."
Reddy squinted his eyes and said,"….Shanti…that is my love…Shanti", and he yelled out,"…don't stand in the sun…Shanti…not good for your skin…"
Shanti came closer, a firing squad came marching behind her.
Boris asked,"…why is that firing squad in that strange getup…?"
Reddy also observed,"Turbans, jibba and dothi ?….where are they from ?"
Aamir solved,"…they look like extras from Mangal Panday….look at those long muzzle loaders they are carrying.."
There was a big crowd collecting behind the firing squad and following them.
Shanti stopped and stood at about 20 paces from the wall, opened the scroll she was carrying and yelled into a bull-horn:
"…These three idiots are accused of seducing innocent girls, making promises, then disappearing without leaving their true names or any forwarding address, and torturing their loves for many many years."
Boris yelled in protest,"….Oksana knew my name….she even carved it everywhere…."
Shanti shushed him down,"…overruled….you grew up with her…and had no option…"
Shanti continued into the bull-horn,"….Now they will be shot."
The Mangal Panday Extras marched, turned to face the condemned men, spread out to open ranks, and got ready.
Shanti raised her sabre and yelled out," LOowwwd…<long pause>", as the extras got busy with their muzzle loaders.
The firing squad took something out of their pockets and each man bit into it.
Boris turned and asked Aamir,"…what was that ? chewing gum ?"
Aamir, who was standing in the middle,"…oh..that …that is gun powder sachet….they will load and compress now…I trained them, you know...". Aamir was proud of that training.
Boris anguished,"….oh..my…god….don't they import Kalashnikov from mother Russia……now…with those antiques they may not kill us cleanly.."
Shanti continued"…..Aaayiiim…", and shortly after that, dropping her sabre, she yelled"…FAayAaa"
Puffs of smoke came out of every muzzle.
All three condemned men fell.
Reddy realized he could still see, although he felt something wet and warm in the middle of his chest. He couldn't lift his head and see his wound. His body felt like it was weighed down. It was obvious…he was wounded…and going to bleed to death.
Boris had been right about those ancient muzzle loaders. They don't kill cleanly.
And then…there was a woman coming out of the gathered crowd. A white woman…a blonde…
She came running and yelling,"…oh…dear…NO…NO…NO.."
Boris was not dead either…He too had seen the approaching female. He said,"Oh…my Oksana…she is coming for me…"
Reddy said,"Ana?….Ana is not a blonde …she is not Ana….".
Aamir Khan piped in,"….she is probably for me….could be a fan….I am well known in Europe …you know". Aamir too was bleeding...and boasting.
And finally when the woman came to them, she knelt beside Aamir and pulled his head up to her lap and started yelling something wild.
Reddy wondered,"Why is it so hard to understand the English...why can't they speak like Americans?"
Boris interrupted,"….hey…she is that Brit……you know…from Rang de Basanti…."
Okonomi: Why is she in halter tops when he has a leather jacket on ?
Reddy added,"…hey…that's right….hey….we are "3 Idiots"….what are you doing in this ? "
She turned to Reddy and sneered,"Why do you care ?"
Reddy thought about that and it made sense. He had his own problem. The warm fluid from his chest was now moving towards his armpit. Strangely, he couldn't feel any pain from the chest wound; but he thought if that blood were to get to his arm pit, he might get tickled and begin to giggle. He was wounded alright; he couldn't move his head to look down at his wound or move his body. And he thought it would be strange to read a newspaper story about their execution for seducing and ditching women: "Munagala Gengu Reddy, 28, from RKM Colony, Chennai, was among the three executed by a firing squad. He wore his basketball uniform for the occasion and giggled before he died". Finally it happened; the fluid from his chest wound advanced into the most ticklish part of his armpit and he giggled.
When Reddy awoke, he found Shanti's head jutting up against his chin. She was still lying on top of him; her warm cheek against his chest. She had drooled. The drool had indeed advanced to his armpit. Despite his body shaking, stiffening and falling when he got shot by the firing squad, she was still asleep. Reddy held her, and gingerly turned to his side and gently put her on the bed. Then he got out of the bed, got dressed and went down to thank Sheila.
Synopsis: Aamir Khan, Boris, Reddy and Alice Patten come in with a dozen extras from Mangal Panday.
Munni's LIA - Episode 28
A Bollywood Fantasy
In the middle of a cobbled plaza, three condemned men were standing with their backs against a wall. All of them had their hands tied behind their backs. Two of them wore sports uniforms, both had the unlucky number 13, one was the orange basketball uniform of "Mambalam Ace" and the other one had the blue and white football uniform of "Novosibirsk Hawks". The one in the middle wore a T-shirt and jeans. The T-shirt said "Imperial College of Engineering".
Boris turned and said to Aamir Khan,"Hi, I am Boris...I don't know why I am here...are you guys Afghans ?......"
Aamir answered,"Never mind…..don't you know who I am ?....and how come...you two already have uniforms…..where is mine ?"
Reddy added,"…we are idiots, all three of us, we all in for big trouble…look…. there comes a firing squad.."
Boris asked,"…who the devil is that woman with a big sabre ?...is that a Chechen ? <Note: Chechens behead the condemned>....oh my god..."
Reddy squinted his eyes and said,"….Shanti…that is my love…Shanti", and he yelled out,"…don't stand in the sun…Shanti…not good for your skin…"
Shanti came closer, a firing squad came marching behind her.
Boris asked,"…why is that firing squad in that strange getup…?"
Reddy also observed,"Turbans, jibba and dothi ?….where are they from ?"
Aamir solved,"…they look like extras from Mangal Panday….look at those long muzzle loaders they are carrying.."
There was a big crowd collecting behind the firing squad and following them.
Shanti stopped and stood at about 20 paces from the wall, opened the scroll she was carrying and yelled into a bull-horn:
"…These three idiots are accused of seducing innocent girls, making promises, then disappearing without leaving their true names or any forwarding address, and torturing their loves for many many years."
Boris yelled in protest,"….Oksana knew my name….she even carved it everywhere…."
Shanti shushed him down,"…overruled….you grew up with her…and had no option…"
Shanti continued into the bull-horn,"….Now they will be shot."
The Mangal Panday Extras marched, turned to face the condemned men, spread out to open ranks, and got ready.
Shanti raised her sabre and yelled out," LOowwwd…<long pause>", as the extras got busy with their muzzle loaders.
The firing squad took something out of their pockets and each man bit into it.
Boris turned and asked Aamir,"…what was that ? chewing gum ?"
Aamir, who was standing in the middle,"…oh..that …that is gun powder sachet….they will load and compress now…I trained them, you know...". Aamir was proud of that training.
Boris anguished,"….oh..my…god….don't they import Kalashnikov from mother Russia……now…with those antiques they may not kill us cleanly.."
Shanti continued"…..Aaayiiim…", and shortly after that, dropping her sabre, she yelled"…FAayAaa"
Puffs of smoke came out of every muzzle.
All three condemned men fell.
Reddy realized he could still see, although he felt something wet and warm in the middle of his chest. He couldn't lift his head and see his wound. His body felt like it was weighed down. It was obvious…he was wounded…and going to bleed to death.
Boris had been right about those ancient muzzle loaders. They don't kill cleanly.
And then…there was a woman coming out of the gathered crowd. A white woman…a blonde…
She came running and yelling,"…oh…dear…NO…NO…NO.."
Boris was not dead either…He too had seen the approaching female. He said,"Oh…my Oksana…she is coming for me…"
Reddy said,"Ana?….Ana is not a blonde …she is not Ana….".
Aamir Khan piped in,"….she is probably for me….could be a fan….I am well known in Europe …you know". Aamir too was bleeding...and boasting.
And finally when the woman came to them, she knelt beside Aamir and pulled his head up to her lap and started yelling something wild.
Reddy wondered,"Why is it so hard to understand the English...why can't they speak like Americans?"
Boris interrupted,"….hey…she is that Brit……you know…from Rang de Basanti…."
Okonomi: Why is she in halter tops when he has a leather jacket on ?
Reddy added,"…hey…that's right….hey….we are "3 Idiots"….what are you doing in this ? "
She turned to Reddy and sneered,"Why do you care ?"
Reddy thought about that and it made sense. He had his own problem. The warm fluid from his chest was now moving towards his armpit. Strangely, he couldn't feel any pain from the chest wound; but he thought if that blood were to get to his arm pit, he might get tickled and begin to giggle. He was wounded alright; he couldn't move his head to look down at his wound or move his body. And he thought it would be strange to read a newspaper story about their execution for seducing and ditching women: "Munagala Gengu Reddy, 28, from RKM Colony, Chennai, was among the three executed by a firing squad. He wore his basketball uniform for the occasion and giggled before he died". Finally it happened; the fluid from his chest wound advanced into the most ticklish part of his armpit and he giggled.
When Reddy awoke, he found Shanti's head jutting up against his chin. She was still lying on top of him; her warm cheek against his chest. She had drooled. The drool had indeed advanced to his armpit. Despite his body shaking, stiffening and falling when he got shot by the firing squad, she was still asleep. Reddy held her, and gingerly turned to his side and gently put her on the bed. Then he got out of the bed, got dressed and went down to thank Sheila.
-----oo
oo-----
oo-----
No comments:
Post a Comment