Note: All characters and venues are totally fictional; any semblance to real persons or places is merely coincidental.
Synopsis: Munni learns how to wear a T-shirt, but then suffers a wardrobe malfunction
Munni's LIA - Episode 6
Ides of March: Gent in Toga Suffers Wardrobe Malfunction
When they got into the drugstore, Sheila picked up a shopping basket and walked straight to where they had tooth brushes on display. As the store will close soon, she wanted to finish her shopping quickly.
She picked one for herself and asked Reddy,"What color would you like ?"
Reddy had been going over some really wild notions in his mind and mechanically following her; he was standing next to her in a daze.
"ha'nh?" said Reddy.
"h-e-l-l-o..", she said,"..pay attention here...you'd need a tooth-brush, wouldn't you ?"
" yes.. yes..you are right", he came back to life.
"so..tell me what color do you want ?" she asked again.
"any color," he said, coming to reality and wondering how would it matter.
She thought he was just too tired after that long day. And besides, she understood that being in a foreign country and speaking in and listening to a foreign language all day could be a strain on anyone. At the hospital, getting a native speaker to the bedside can revive a person as rapidly as any drug, an observation she had made, especially with mature immigrant patients.
She chose a dark blue colored one for him. Then a small toothpaste tube and some dental floss. Then she started towards the beverages area. Reddy followed. Enroute, Reddy found a very large cardboard bin, with a price tag of $3.00 ea. and $5.00/two. He went there and leaned in and found T-shirts in various colors. Sheila saw him stalled at the bin, came back and looked in herself. Then she exclaimed,"hey ..that is a good idea"; she leaned into the bin and pulled out whatever she could grab in her one hand. She set the shopping basket down and inspected a few neck-tags and selected a huge yellow one of size 3X-Tall, and showed that tag to Reddy and asked him to look for the same size of another one. Then she left him to his project, picked up her shopping basket and went ahead towards the beverages fridge.
She came back in a few seconds with a PET bottle of water in the basket and asked him how he was doing. He had found a couple of 3X sizes and no Talls. She said,"hold this a bit", giving him the shopping basket. Then she took the black colored one he had in his hand, held it open in front of him and said,"OK this ought to do it…then". Reddy thought it was big enough for two of him. It had a picture of Garfield, the cartoon cat on it. The yellow one, she had picked out earlier had a print of Tweetie bird on the chest. Holding the black shirt, she squeaked,"I tink ..I taw a pussy cat.." and smiled at Reddy.
Reddy blinked in utter confusion; he had no idea what that was. Perhaps some african language from Uganda, he supposed; however, he was happy for her transformation back to playful.
"...this is for you", she said, He said "too big...I need a smaller size".
"come now....for sleep wear you need a big one..." and put it in the shopping basket. Reddy looked quite unconvinced, but decided not to argue over that. And besides, she was buying that for him. So he let it go.
Then she asked him,"anything else ?". He shook his head to mean "no", and they walked to the checkout. Reddy was still holding the shopping basket. The Store PA system came on to advise all to complete their shopping. Just in Time. The girl ringing in the purchases, smiled at Reddy with a,"did you find everything ok?". It was certainly not an invitation for Reddy to complain about the size of his T-shirt. He looked back at her, obviously confused; Sheila said,"…oh..yes; thanks" and paid for the purchases. The girl at the counter gave the receipt and change to Sheila and the plastic bag of purchases to Reddy. He took it and followed Sheila out of the shop. Sheila led him to the car, opened the trunk and took her jacket out, closed the trunk and unlocked the car.
"We are just going to drive over there...inside this mall...that is all", she said to Reddy.
They both got in and she drove the car to the side of the hotel and parked. After the got out of the car, Sheila locked the car, gave Reddy her hand bag to hold while she put on her jacket, and then took her bag back. Then she walked ahead to the hotel reception; he followed her carrying the bag from the drugstore.
At the reception, as Reddy stood beside Sheila, she had some cheerful, very californian small talk with the clerk. Filled out a card, gave her credit card for imprinting and got the room key cards. Then she turned around to Reddy and said ,"let's go".
Their room was on the 2nd floor. The door had a card lock. The green light flashed when Sheila inserted and drew out the key card. Reddy got into the room behind Sheila and the door closed itself. The room lights were on and there was the humming sound of some motor running somewhere. She stepped out of her shoes, and placed them to one side in the entry way. He took his shoes off and placed them next to hers. Sheila then turned into a side nook that was the kitchen. She placed the room card keys on the kitchen counter. Straight ahead, Reddy noticed a living room set of a two-seater sofa, a single sofa, coffee table and a TV in front of this setting. As he walked in, Sheila put her hand out, said,"give me that", and took the drugstore bag from him, pulled the water bottle out and put it in the fridge and said "they have two small waters here already ". He was in the living room looking about.
Then she asked him,"so what do you think of the room ?"
"As big as my flat", he said, looking into the open door to the next room, the bedroom.
The kitchen had a fridge, electric range and a range top microwave. Between the range and the fridge was a sink. Across from this was the kitchen counter. The counter doubled as eating surface with a couple of tall chairs on the living room side. The entry hallway also had a small closet next to the door and a toilet next to that. The bedroom had a queen bed, nicely made and the edge of the sheets opened and tucked at an angle. Pair of side tables, telephone and an alarm clock. There was a larger closet and a dresser on one side, and the door to the full bathroom on the other side of the bed.
Reddy sat down on the double sofa. Sheila went into the bedroom and tossed the plastic bag with the T-shirts and dental items on the bed, took off her jacket and hung it on a bigger wood hanger in the closet.
Coming back out and pointing to the sofa that Reddy was seated on she said,"… this bigger sofa folds out to a bed...that is where you are going to lie down for the night and think about your plain girl ....ok ?" she winked and added," let us see if they have more sheets and blankets in this closet...here".
Reddy wondered why this girl could go on and on with such energy while he had been the one to have eaten a major portion of the dinner as well as a large cheese cake. He smiled at her.
They had the sheets, blankets and pillows in the hall closet, as well as an electric iron and a mini ironing board. She took all the bedding items and piled them on the single sofa.
Then she took the TV remote from on top of the TV and gave it to him and said,"here....I am going to take a shower....and you can shower later". Reddy nodded and took the remote from her. She continued on with "…oh…if you want to step out for something…don't get locked out….remember to take a key card from the kitchen counter…ok ?". He looked up at her and acknowledged," no..no….I wont go out..now". She smiled, reached out and tapped him on top of his head, turned and went into the bed room and closed the door.
Reddy heard her make a phone call. The walls in that suite were thin. He switched the TV on and channel surfed. Within about five minutes, he heard the shower noise. Reddy couldn't focus on the TV program. He was tired, sleepy and had much racing through his mind all at once. He rated himself beneath low and completely detested the ideas that ran through his mind after Sheila had asked him to stay in a hotel for the night. He replayed moments of the day in his mind and no matter how he looked at it, he came to:"what an idiot". He had his head resting back and over the back cushion with his eyes closed. A local TV-news was the background noise to his self-recrimination. He didn't hear the noise of the shower going off. At a little over half past 10 PM, Sheila came out of the bedroom and looked at him zonked out in the sofa and exclaimed," didn't pull your bed and make it yet ?...come...come...let me help...UP UP..get up". She grabbed the TV remote out of his hand and switched the TV off.
She hadn't fully dried her hair yet. She was wearing the large yellow T-shirt. Now it had pleats in front and sides. The T-shirt exposed more of her shoulder around her neck, the sleeves almost came down to her wrists, and the hem of the tshirt was above her knee. Even in his dazed state, he had to try very hard not to look at her legs. Her neck and legs were even more light skinned than her face; She had very nice legs, with no blemishes, rather athletic calf muscles and thighs in the right proportion to her lower leg. Reddy couldn't see how that T-shirt from the drug store bin could produce this sight. He couldn't see any string at her waist that held the pleats in place and gave her the feminine shape in that huge T-shirt. He saw the black T-shirt and his tooth brush on the coffee table.
She told him to pull the coffee table aside, next to the tall chairs. Then stood in the kitchen area and gave him directions: move the single sofa next to the TV, take out the double-sofa cushions, pull out the bed, straighten the articulated folds and pull out the additional legs. He was glad to have and follow her directions. She then directed and supervised him making the bed. Reddy couldn't understand how someone could be that detailed about bed making; somehow, he forgot that his supervisor dealt with beds and bedridden customers at her work.
As she gave instructions to Reddy, She boiled some bottled water in a mug using the microwave. They had complimentary coffee, tea, creamer, sugar and chamomile packets in the kitchen. When the water boiled up, she made some chamomile tea.
When she noticed Reddy straightening up from the bed making, she said,"…alright…you can use the bathroom, there are towels in there…change into the sleep wear, brush your teeth and come back ....then we can have tea and a small chat before going to sleep ...ok ?"
Reddy was getting quite tired. He said, "...shower tomorrow....and ...this T-shirt…too large, will not fit me like you...." and produced a helpless weak smile.
Sheila laughed, "..yes…I know....y'all can't wear it like us....let me show you how to wear this "
She came around counter took the T-shirt from his hand. He sat on the coffee table, his elbows planted on his knees, supporting his chin with both hands, and worked hard at keeping his eye not on her bare legs.
She held the T-shirt upside-down by the hem with both her hands, opened the body of the shirt and one leg at a time, carefully stepped into the shirt so that her feet came through the sleeves. When both feet were in...she slowly pulled the shirt-hem over her own nightwear, and up to her waist. Then she twisted both her feet to one side and went up on her toes with, "…ta..daaahh….this is how you wear it …….then you fold and tuck the top into your waist like a sarong......you don't need the dental floss to tie like I did...". (And that was how she had managed those nicely gathered pleats.)
He was simply amazed !! She was now wearing yellow Tweetie Bird on top and Black (upside-down) Garfield on the bottom. The sleeves of the black T-shirt came well below her knees and unto her ankles!! Reddy thought she looked very cute with wet hair and big fluffed-up black butt: like a Donald Duck !! He smiled at her and said,"....you are just great !".
She let go the T-shirt hem and swung her hands in a flourish and bowed in return for that compliment; the black T-shirt fell off to a heap around her ankles, exposing her legs once again. They both laughed. Reddy felt a whole lot lighter and more awake now. She stepped out of the T-shirt, picked it up, crumpled it lightly to a ball and threw it at him. Ole Miss is a basketball college, after all !!
He got up, much revived, took the T-shirt and tooth brush and went into the bathroom and closed the door. The steam in the bathroom had cleared off. He leaned toward the big mirror above the sink and looked at his face up close. "handsome, tired and yet happy, na?", he asked himself and rubbed his chin. He heard the noise of a hair dryer from the living room.
He took off his pants, shirt, undershirt, brief and socks and placed them in a corner on the floor. Wore a larger hotel towel, brushed his teeth and washed his face and underarms with soap and hot water. He used the same soap that was already opened. Then he dried himself with a smaller towel. Then he tried on the T-shirt the way Sheila taught him. The hem of the T-shirt came up all the way to his neck and more, when he pulled to see how far it will go up. Although he was skinny, he was surprised that the sleeves of the shirt were big enough to easily go up his thighs. He could even gather sufficient cloth at the hem for a knot over one of his shoulders like a Roman Toga. However, he found that actually tying a knot by himself was impossible; it required awkward twisting of one of his hands. So he just held the gathered hem over his left shoulder and took a look in the mirror. BIG SHOCK !!
In his brief-less state, and with all of that recent naked leg Tweetie Bird promenading and modeling, some of his blood had relocated without sending forwarding address to brain. Now he was looking at a head peeking out of its burrow, the neck of the T-shirt. First he looked at the sight in the big mirror, then lowered his chin and looked: sure enough, not only was the head out of the burrow, the groundhog's shadow was clearly visible on the ceramic floor in the bathroom as well. It will be years before he would learn about the American "Ground Hog Day" myth that signals six weeks to spring if the groundhog came out of its hibernation and saw its own shadow, but at that moment, he held his knotless mini-toga over his left shoulder and laughed out loud.
Immediately, the hair drier noise died and he heard Sheila's voice:" Hey, what y'all doin' there?"
He shoved the T-shirt hem in his mouth to settle down a bit and with his eyes still watering in mirth, he called back "no..no..nothing". This response came out in Telugu.
He heard Sheila laughing in return.
Sheila had grown up with parents, uncles and aunts who spoke words in Bantu, Luganda, Swahili and Gujarati in their american homes in Georgia and Mississippi. She understood that now and then some private joy of the moment took a foreigner back to more familiar expressions.
Reddy decided to put his brief back on under the T-shirt, just to add a layer of safety against any misbehavior of the naughty groundhog. He had to take off the T-shirt and after the brief went up, put T-shirt back on. This time, he had pulled the hem up to his navel and tucked it sarong/lungi style. He looked like a Hip-Hop groupie with low crotch knickers. The large "neck" hole that was at his crotch when he wore the shirt Toga-style, now fell between his mid thighs and the sleeves went down farther. Then he put on his white undershirt and pulled it's hem over that tuck-in bulge. He looked in the mirror. He was awake and had a happy smirk on his face. Once again, he thought of Sheila and the way she looked wearing the two T-shirts. He could not believe that such a pretty and bright woman, who is well educated, probably very well employed and wealthy could be unmarried for such a long time. Now, in a much better frame of mind, he gathered his socks, folded pants and shirt and came out and into the living room.
Sheila was in the living room single sofa sitting with legs folded up to one side, holding a tea mug in one hand and watching TV. She had her hair gathered in an elastic band. She had the TV remote in her left hand. Clicking the volume down, She looked up with,"….well….don't we look handsome...there...". He knew that his bare legs are skinny with hardly any calf muscle shape, and his knees were scab marked with falls on the hard clay and concrete surfaces of the outdoor basketball courts. He blushed, and wanted to say something; but couldn't think of any. He wondered why she didn't ask him about the big laughter in the bathroom as he went to the hall closet and placed his clothes there.
When he turned around, she looked at him and said,"that other tea is for you....drink it....then before you go to sleep, wash that undershirt and things in the kitchen sink and hang them to dry....ok ?....then tomorrow you'll have a clean set".
He got the tea mug from the kitchen, came back and decided to sit on the sofa-bed facing her instead of on one of the tall chairs. He sat on the bed with his legs over the edge. Then as he was about to swing his legs up and go into the traditional folded legs sitting posture to face her, Sheila cried out," DONT DO THAT!" and pointed with her right hand that was holding her tea. A wave of tea back-flipped out and went down to the carpet. Reddy went into "the posture", despite her cry, wondering "don't do what?". Sheila dropped the TV remote and pointed at him from where she was sitting and laughed uncontrollably. Then she clamped her hand over her mouth, set her tea mug down on the carpet and continued to shake with squeaks escaping from her mouth, while her face turned red. He had forgotten all about that neck-hole at the crotch of his "knickers". When she was half-way composed, she said "…cousin..I can see your underpants ". His confusion ended with a huge blush as he straightened his legs on the bed and said "…very sorry..".
Sheila wasn't laughing out loud anymore; after a huge sigh, and a final giggle, now more composed, she said,"…don't you fret…I am happy you didn't already wash and hang your underthings……now go on and drink your tea….". Just to make him relax, she took back her tea mug and drank what was left in it, picked the TV remote off the floor and went to the kitchen to get more tea. The spilt tea had soaked in already and did not leave a mark on the carpet.
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